Friday, November 21, 2008

I'm in limbo and I'm not very limber...

There is so much in my life right now that is up in the air.  My dad's health, our Thanksgiving plans, and even this day.

I woke up thinking about it today as I have every single day for the last two weeks.  Specifically, I woke up thinking about the word limbo.

The first thing that comes to mind are Saturday afternoons at Good Times roller rink.  When I was about Sarah's age, I'd tie the disco blue laces of my white leather roller skates together, throw them over my shoulder, and head to the rink with 20 of my closest friends for an afternoon of skating in circles to the great tunes of the 80s.  Whenever I hear Michael Jackson sing "Rock With You" my mind is back at that roller rink instantly.

Mid-way through the afternoon skate, the DJ would announce Limbo Time, and a long line of kids would take turns skating under a bar that got progressively lower and lower as the line grew shorter and shorter.  

I never won that game.  Not even once.  This morning I decided that it's because I'm not very limber.  Physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  

I like control.  We all do.  Oh sure, you can say, "God is in control" and yes, I believe He is, but I think if we're really honest with ourselves, we hate it when we can't dictate our circumstances...or when things in our lives feel like they're in limbo.

Limbo. That weird place of tension between knowing and not knowing.

I don't know what the doctors are going to tell my dad next week.  (His ultrasound procedure got bumped up to Monday, which is excellent).  I don't know when we're leaving to go be with my dad.  I don't even know where we're going to spend Thanksgiving.  Our plans are very dependent on what my dad hears on Monday.  I don't know what today is going to look like seeing as how my youngest daughter woke up with a fever.  

I just looked up the definition of limber.  Webster says this: bending readily; flexible; pliant.  I'm asking God to infuse my heart, mind, and spirit with limberness today because honestly, I'm having a hard time with that bendable, flexible, and pliant stuff.


Megan L Hutchings said...

Your memories of the skating rink are so similiar to mine...just different music. Also, I never tried limbo b/c I was too scared to do so. Control right?!

I will be praying for you and your dad!

Amy said...

Just said a prayer for you and your Dad. We've been through a hard year with my Mother-in-Law and understand the feeling of "limbo" as least to some degree.

Unknown said...

I am continuing to pray for you and your dad through this situation. I can't imagine how you must feel...I won't even try...but I will pray...daily!

I totally get the "limbo" analogy. I've had my own sense of limbo lately, nothing I can divulge on the blog, but I covet your prayers as well. I've recently received a sucker punch to the gut and feel like my whole life is in limbo.

Unknown said...

Meredith, you have lots of people, including me, praying for your family in such uncertain times...I know it must be so put words to it very well.

I TOTALLY remember the roller skating rink scene...I was all over it in 6th and 7th grades!!!


Gretchen said...

Oh, I remember those light blue pom poms on my white birthday skates (or, was it Christmas?) and Saturdays at the rink...How I thought I was all that when I could skate backwards! Nope...never won the limbo either.

Totally feeling you on the control thing. I so appreciate it when fellow believers can be transparent. We all know what the high road is: flexibility, utter trust and surrender--that we don't know always how to take it or (gasp) even depend on ourselves anyway doesn't mean that we don't love God. We're just being honest.


Holly said...

Woke up this morning with you on my mind. I prayed for your Thanksgiving plans, even having not talked with you, I had a feeling that you may have changed them.

Praying for you still, for your dad, especially.

Gina said...

The thing I hate about limbo is how it makes me panic! You can probably guess how many nights in the last 2 weeks I have lain in my dark bedroom, beside my husband breathing rhythmicly, and prayed for just enough of the Holy Spirit's peace to make it through the night. And that's just the nights.

Yeah, limbo SUCKS ( and that's a bad word around here).

Meredith said...

Praying for you and your Dad.

And oh, how God can make us limber. We often don't have a choice, but he sure can stretch us. A little uncomfortable at times, but in the end, we're closer to Him than ever before and He'll always hold you tight as He pushes a little farther.

Michelle@Life with Three said...

Hang in there, friend. I'm continuing to pray for you, your dad and your family.

Limberness is one of those things that is built over time and, unfortuately, the only way to build it is through periodic stretching. But, God is in control -- and there is certainly perfect peace in knowing that. :)

Moriah @ Please Pass the Salt said...

I've seriously had it with reader!! This wasn't there - I clicked over to comment on the post below. ANYWAY, yes, I'm not very good at it either... we had a rough morning, to say the least. But it's naptime now and I'm going to pick up some of the pieces!! I hope you have a good day, even being in *limbo*.

Diane@Diane's Place said...

I've been to the Good Times skating rink more times than I can remember. It was THE place to go for church youth group and other happenings. I never was very good at it, but I could fall down with the best of them, LOL! ;o)

Praying for your Dad, you and the whole family. I know I'm not spiritually as I should be (patience is a Fruit of the Spirit, right?) but indecision really gnaws at me. I don't like having to wait for any decision or verdict, whether good or bad. I'd rather have bad news quickly than good news that I have to wait for.

I know, not very Christian-like, but it's true nevertheless and I have to own it.

Praying for the best possible outcome and for you to get the news as soon as possible.

Much love,


Kelly said...

It's hard to be so far from family and not know what to do.
I'm praying for you and your dad today.

Amber said...

Praying for you, Mer. You'll make it.

Trish said...

That is a great prayer! And I'm sure that God will honor it.

how fun to see my Friend in Real Life Meredith (up there a few) come and comment on My friend in the computer Meredith's blog! I am sure that she, you and I should meet together someday for coffee or chai and share how we have experienced God stretching, molding and shaping us!

Rae said...

Being limber is definitely not an area I excel in either. And limbo? I just cringe at the thought. You are in my prayers, my friend. May you feel the peace that only the Prince of Peace can give!

Unknown said...

Sending a hug your way...

I will be praying for you this weekend.

This post resonates loudly for me.

I feel the Lord stretching me right now too. Teaching me that life will be so much more difficult if I am not limber and pliable. He's molding me to be more like Him in ways that I am not completely certain I can bend. But I do know that He is good. That I can trust Him...that I don't have to skate up to that bar in defeat, but I can approach it with security.

In Christ, we will always make it under that bar. For those who are willing to breath into the tension and take comfort of being shaped by a loving God, there is nothing but gain. In the end, it's so much less painful than living a rigid, immovable life!

Oh, that I could remember this more when it's my turn to skate up to that bar!

Hang in there my friend! I'm thinking about you!

PS: Now I cannot get "Rock With You" out of my head! ;)

Fran said...

I'm praying for you and your dad now Meredith. I pray for peace over your entire family. But, I'm also praying for all of us to be a bit more bendable. :)

Much love,

Mrs. Valente said...

Such a great post! Still praying for you and your dad.

Mrs. Valente said... the verse, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

"Delight yourself" actually translates, "become pliable".

Cool, huh?

Anyway, I added you to my blogroll but you're all the way at the bottom because blogger can't detect a feed. Do you know why that is?

Trish said...

Praying for you fervently and faithfully, sweet friend. It seems that many of us are facing unexpected challenges in our lives right now, doesn't it? You come to my mind often, and every time you do I pray for you and your whole family.

Much love!

Stephanie Kay said...

Great post! I'm afraid I'm not very limber either.

Tiffani said...

Just so you know..I will be singing "Rock With You" the rest of the day!!

I appreciate your honesty on the subject of limbo/'s is so difficult..but I believe it's in those times that God prepares and develops us for greater strength and purpose...

I'm such a worrier...and I'm really trying to remember "what good does it do me to get myself in such a wad??" This time away from Adam has certainly grown me up in that respect...those first few days I was SICK and I just kept thinking "this is ridiculous"! So, I loosened up and tried get these rigid worried bones to flex and bit and now I'm feeling more like Gumby than I EVER thought possible--although I feel I will forever fight against my non-limber/worrying self...

I hope that even in this moment you are enjoying your weekend and things are getting settled!!

Big Hugs!

JenB said...

Just prayed for you. And I'm with you on the control thing.
(Hey, have I ever told you that I love your name? My friend's sister had a baby when we were in college and named her Meredith and I've loved that name ever since.)

Michele said...

Meredith, I am so sorry! It is tough being limber, isn't it? I don't think it is anything that comes suddenly anyway. Look at the Cirque de Soleil performers - they certainly didn't get that way overnight. Unfortunately, I think it is through these situations that weigh heavily on our hearts, are the times when we are stretched and begin to become more limber. I think it is a process - not an easy one.

I am praying over your dad and you and the rest of your family. I know your heart is anxious and I'm sure, if you're anything like me, you've probably gone through thousands of "what-ifs" in your mind.

My precious mother-in-law has a saying "whichever way the mop flops." I'll be praying that God will give you the grace and the flexibility to handle "whichever way the mop flops"

Brenda said...

Hi Mer, I'm thinking of the scripture where He gives us 'peace that passes understanding'.
I like to call it 'freaky' peace, when we are feeling unsettled in nearly all aspects of our lives, we can still have His peace in the midst of it.
My prayers are with you.
God bless,
Brenda :)

Jacquie said...

I can feel your heart in this post. There are moments in life that are spent exactly where you are. You may not realize it now, but it's in those moments that you'll look back on and see God's hand at work. I'm praying for your Dad, but I'm praying for you as well.

Mrs.Naz@BecomingMe said...

I was so moved by this post and how you worded your feelings/struggles, willingness...

Jenn said...

I like control too so being in limbo is hard for me as well. Thanks for sharing your heart on this post.

I am praying for your dad and your family this morning. Sending you a hug.

Jackie said...

I think when it comes down to it, we all like to be in control, whether we admit it or not. And it's hard when we can't do anything about our situation! Praying for you, my friend.