Monday, September 14, 2009

The small things...

I've always loved "the small things" in life--a warm cup of tea, a shared smile, a sunrise, the smell of babies. I'm certain I could fill page after page after page of small things that I love.

It's been a little over a month since my dad died.

I've been aware of some "big things" that loom on the horizon--his 64th birthday next month that won't be celebrated, his absence at the holidays, the first Father's Day that I don't buy him a card. Big things. I'm aware of the emotional upheaval that can come with the big things.

It's the small things that have caught me off guard though...

Opening the cabinet and noticing this mug that he gave me (and replaced when I broke it).

Scrolling through my contact list in my cell phone and seeing his name.

Watching Razorback football and knowing how much he loved it.

And holding John's book in my hands while realizing that my dad would never hold it, or read it, or have the chance to tell my husband how proud he was of his accomplishment.

The small things.

They have undone me lately.

27 comments:

Melissa Stover said...

oh that made me cry. i'm so sorry. when my grandmother died (my grandfather died a year earlier) small things were my undoing too.
i remember thumbing through our church directory and finding their page with their picture and not being able to remove it. it's still there.

Gretchen said...

I know it's hard, sweet friend. We've talked about how I left my mom's answering machine on just so I could call it. Silly, I know. But not, too. Your grief will come in big chunks and little ones. In waves and in eddies. But it will come. And it will undo you. And I'm so sorry for that. Praying for your healing and strength and a soft spot always for you to land at the end of the day.

jeanie@mageditor.blogspot.com said...

You have such a way with words and you express yourself so well! You are right. It is the SMALL things that just about are our undoing. That's why it's just so remarkable that our sweet Jesus cares about ALL those small things and gathers them up and holds them close to His heart. He grieves them with us. Unbelievable!
I'm sorry for your loss. :( When my parents MOVED, I took my Mom's pillowcase just so I could smell it when I missed her. I missed them SO much. Hug!!

Melissa @ Breath of Life said...

It's the small things in life that really bind our hearts to others...though we often overlook them. These memories of your dad are not small things at all...but a testimony to how much you loved each other.

Keep on keeping on, sweet friend.

stephanie@{Olive Tree} said...

I can imagine these small things will be around for some time ... praying for you. (((hugs)))

Lauren Kelly said...

Awww, Mer, I'm hugging you, I hope you can feel it. Love you, girl!

Emily said...

Saying "I'm sorry" doesn't seem to do it justice. But I am, and I'm thinking about you today.

whimzie said...

Thinking of you.

Love,

me.

Tiffani said...

my heart is aching for you, my friend.

Love you.

Robin said...

Thinking of you, praying for you, and crying with you.

Holly said...

*sniff* I love you, Mer.

sara said...

oh Meredith, I lost my Aunt (she was like my mother) last March. It has surprised me what things "undo" me. You prepare for the big events, but the small ones take you off guard. The latest was picking up the phone to call her with a prayer request (she was my prayer warrior) and then realizing I can't.

Praying for you!

Kecia said...

Oh, I know. And I also echo what Gretchen said, exactly. Sometimes the small things bring bigger waves of grief than the big things, because you aren't expecting it. I'm hurting with you--

Lindsay said...

Praying for you, Mer. Having gone through several losses, I can almost guarantee you that the feelings of grief and missing our loved ones can surface when we least expect it.

Marla Taviano said...

Prayed for you just now, friend. Hugs!

Tami said...

My mom will be gone 2 yrs this Christmas and I am still surprised by the small things. Lately, my boys have started praying for their grandma in Heaven.

I still have my mom's contact info. in my cell phone. I don't see deleting it anytime soon. It is just another way I remember her.

Jennifer said...

{Hugs} to you Mer! :)

Amber said...

I'm loving on you and praying for you, sweet friend.

Gina said...

Bittersweet. I don't hug- because that requires touching- but I would SO hug you.

The Bowden's said...

Oh Meredith! You will always have those moments, they will just not be such raw feelings as they are now. It will get better! Lots of prayers for you!

Joyce said...

Hi...I just stopped in from Marlas. I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad died at the young age of 66 several years ago and I so understand what you mean about the little things.

I will be praying for you today. Time does help to soften the hurt. Take care...Joyce

Jennifer said...

Praying for you, sweet Meredith! Hugs from Hot Springs!

Becca~TimeWellSpent said...

It's the small things that make up our life and our lives with others. The small conversations, small gifts, things shared in a moment. The small things aren't so small when they represent the essence of the person we miss.
Praying for you and the grief I know you're going through.

M. Stump in Winston-Salem said...

I empathize with you. I lost my dad in July. It is the little things that get you. My mom gave me an unfinished box of cereal today that I had bought for my dad shortly before he died. I cried all the way home and then put it in the trash. I don't think I could choke it down. I try really hard to remember the positive things but little things still sneak in. I'm told, in time, the pain will ease. I will keep you in my prayers.

KK said...

So sorry about your dad.

Angie said...

I'm so sorry Meredith. I can only imagine what it's like. Thanks for your sharing your heart with us.

Stacy at Exceedingly Mundane said...

I'm so sorry Meredith and I wish I had some kind of sage advice, but I don't. My mom died over 7 years ago and I still miss her every day. But I will tell you something, it does get better with time. I know that's not much comfort right now, but this season, as all others, will pass and another will take its place. For me, the first year was definitely the hardest, so just expect it and I'm sure you'll come through it just fine. Grief is a mystery, everyone is different, and just let yourself feel it however it works for you. {{{big hugs}}} :)