Anybody ever had a hard week? Ours has been that way. In fact, the entire month of January has been hard.
When we moved to Colorado two years ago, John left a very great job at a great church because we felt God calling us here. God confirmed that for us in a myriad of ways, the biggest one being a couple walking up to our door and asking if our house was for sale (small town news travels quickly), looking at it a couple of times and making us a cash offer--just two days after John resigned. All that to say we KNOW that we are supposed to be here.
But, being here has not always been easy for us. Just a year after we moved here to serve at Little Log Church, John resigned. There are a lot of reasons really, but again, it was something we knew God was calling us to do. This doesn't make a lot of sense to our family and friends, but there is trememdous peace in our hearts that we are walking the path God has for us right now.
This week, the path we are walking has been scary. Very scary. Scary in a financial sense. God has provided John with freelance writing and editing opportunities this past year and it has been a very different year for us. Great, but different. We've moved into the realm of self-employment and no longer have the security of a consistent, monthly paycheck. John gets paid well for what he does, but most of the time, his compensation has to cover several months of living expenses. God has called us to a higher level of trust and faith...and I need to tell you that I'm not always sure He's going to come through for us. He always does, but sometimes I lose faith. We've been waiting on a paycheck this week (actually all month) and it still hasn't arrived. Every trip to the mailbox is a disappointment, and watching our checking account funds dwindle while the bills stack up is quite unnverving. The good news is that it is coming. Ours is not a hopeless situation. The hard news is that trusting God takes you to places you don't always want to go. I've always said and believed that "God will provide" or "God always takes care of us". BUT, I've always said and believed this with a full checking/savings account, knowing full well where my next meal would come from. It meant something when I said it before, but it hits a little closer to home now. For us, this is pedal to the metal time. Do I REALLY believe that God will provide when I have no resources of my own? Do I really believe that God will take care of us when each trip to the mailbox brings more bills but no funds? It's a hard place. We sang a song last Sunday at church about God satisfying us with his love for us and that being ENOUGH. Is it enough for me? I'm asking myself some pretty hard questions these days. I'm sensing that God is asking me to shift from believing with my head and experience His provision on a deeper level...down in my heart. So, this week has been hard and scary too, but I know that we're not walking alone.