Yesterday was a rough day.
Wednesdays are one of my busiest days. I got up early yesterday, but for some reason I just couldn't get moving. I was late getting breakfast for the kids, which then put me behind in everything else, and all of the sudden it was time to leave for school and I still hadn't even had time to put on make-up. On Wednesdays, I go straight from dropping kids at school to Bible study. I decided that my Bible study friends love me with or without make-up and I showed up pale-faced. I guess it was providential because I spent most of the morning in tears...tears of conviction, tears of sorrow, and tears of repentance. It was all good, but I left feeling a little heavy of heart.
That heaviness of heart was relentless. In the span of my afternoon, I heard from two friends who both suffered a miscarriage this week, and from another friend who was recently diagnosed with a rapidly spreading cancer. More tears. Many more tears of sorrow for my friends.
By the time John came home I was spent. My eyes burned from crying and all I wanted to do was go to sleep! As we were getting our kids ready for bed, the phone rang and it was my neighbor. More tears, more loss, and more heaviness. At that point I threw my hands up in the air, and said, "Mercy...I give, Lord. Can this all just stop, please???"
Sometimes His ways don't make any sense. I can't see what He's doing. I want to believe and trust that He has it all under control, but some days that is so hard.
We spent some time last night with our kids looking at the Psalms. Explained to them that not all the Psalms are happy, joyful praises to our God. Some are full of sorrow and hurt and wondering where in the world God is. We shared some of the heaviness of the day, and then we prayed. I can't say all of the heaviness lifted, but some of it did. And I'm so thankful for today and for His mercies that are new.