Saturday, February 16, 2008

Disappointment...

Do any of you ever feel disappointment? Perhaps you've been disappointed by your spouse, your children, other family members, or even a friend? Maybe you're disappointed with your marriage, or with your church? Or what about your circumstances? And dare I say disappointment with God?

Yeah, I'm there too. And just this week, I watched my husband suffer through a big disappointment. Something he was really hoping for didn't turn out exactly the way he'd hoped it would. It was heart-breaking.

And it made me wonder...what do we do with our disappointment? Yes, I know, we should take it to God. But I'm not really looking for the sunday school answer here. I've been around far too many people lately who smile and quote scripture and tell me that God is in control while they're dying on the inside. That exterior holds up...for a little while...but glimpses of the pain inside eventually makes its way out. Sometimes it peeks thru in the form of doubt, sometimes bitternesss, and oftentimes anger.

I think there really has to be some kind of balance with all of this. Being able to acknowledge the disappointment without lessening it's effect on you, and at the same time being able to remain "present" in the situation. All of which can only happen because we have the Spirit of the Living God working in and through us.

Thanks for allowing me to "think out loud" this morning. I know that writing a post like this will probably unleash fear and worry that things are not okay with us. They're fine. Really. Disappointment is a part of life. And some weeks just seem to hold more of it than others.

17 comments:

Jennifer said...

Mer, you hit the nail on the head with your last sentence! Some weeks hold more than others, while some not at all.

I also totally agree about the spirtual side of your answer too. But I'd like to share that sometimes just getting away from 'all of it' and heading to the beach or to the mountains--just to unwind and relax and get perspective helps too.

Gretchen said...

Boy, I think Jennifer makes a good point about refueling and gaining perspective "away from it all".

Either that, or really fattening food usually helps. ;)

Seriously, I'm sorry for this disappointment, Mer. We know life's not fair, and that God knows all about suffering, but in our humanness, we can't see the big picture, and it just sucks. The fact that suffering is part of our deal at all is hard to swallow.

This sounds weird--just thinking out loud...Maybe he could just do something for the little boy inside himself which wants to pout and cry and shake his fist. That little boy could use...what? A milkshake? Bowling? A wii tournament? Or, maybe just time to pout in his room until he feels better.

Thanks for sharing your heart, friend.

(((hugs)))gretchen

Diane J. said...

God made us in His image, and made us the emotional creatures that we are.

Jesus wept over Jerusalem and I think part of that was disappointment that they wouldn't turn back to Him. Jesus was angry when He threw the crooked money changers out of the temple.

The point: Jesus had emotions and showed them, without sinning. He was angry, sad, disappointed and all the other things we experienced every day, some days more than others, as you said.

That said, there are some disappointments that are shallow and fleeting, and there are some that we never get over, but we learn to live with them.

I don't think there are an easy answers here, Mer, because we're all different and deal with these things in our own way.

I think Jennifer makes a good point that time and perspective are the biggest helps in dealing with life's disappointments. Distance, whether by time passage, or just by getting away from everything and getting your mind off it for a time.

Love you, my friend.

Diane

CrownLaidDown said...

I'm sorry for your disappointment this week. I understand. And I am praying for you and your family to be blessed. Really, I am.

Much love to you, my friend,
holly

Barb said...

I think what you're saying here comes right through, Mer. It's obvious to me you're hurting because your husband is hurting, and you know there's nothing you can do except give it time.

I completely understand. It's hard enough when we ourselves are disappointed, but it's a lot harder when someone we love suffers a crushing disappointment.

You're in my thoughts.

Stephanie's Mommy Brain said...

Great post. Thank you for sharing what's in your heart.

Kelly said...

I think it's totally okay to just want to wallow in your disappointment from time to time. Sometimes it just almost feels good to stay under the covers and cry and have a pity party. What usually helps me get out of the pit - is to look around and realize that there are a lot worse circumstances than the one you are in. I look at pictures from Africa or think about someone who has terminal cancer or someone who has lost their home in a tornado or lost a loved one suddenly - and then my disappointments start to seem really small and my hope starts to seem a little bit bigger.

His Girl said...

I've been spending the last few weeks in the book of Job. I have been impressed with the fact that Job is not putting on a happy face and saying all is well, yet he is still embraced by God.

So there, I think when something stinks, we can say it stinks, without being blasphemous. We are allowed to say when something hurts, is sad, or is disappointing. We don't have to lie to make God look good. He does fine all on His own.

I know that you know this, but even though disappointment does stink, it is excessively wonderful to know that all things work together for good for those who love God...isn't it?

Kecia said...

I finished "Seventh Day" last night, and towards the end Zadok says, "...Sometimes the truth that God holds all things in his hand does not quench the pain of sufferin' in this life." I love those books. And I love keeping in touch with you! :)

{Karla} said...

disappointment is so hard. but it also excellent for stretching... but just like any exercise, it is a pain and not always fun.

Thinking of you and praying for you.

Blessings,
Karla

Julie said...

Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Yea, I think Papa knew we would experience disappointment, hope deferred. After all He describes it in that verse. I don't think He minds that we feel it...it's what we do with it that matters.

Sometimes we have to wrestle with it for a bit until we are overcome by Him in the midst.

Yep, I know disappointment. It stinks!

Love,
Julie

Kate said...

Disappointment SUCKS!!!!!
Prayer, a nice glass of wine (yep, I'm a sippin' saint), and HGTV works for me. ;)

Maybe the real appointment is just around the corner from where one was dis'd.

Lindsay said...

Mer... Thanks for being so real and sincere on your blog. It serves as a good model for me as I'm relating to others as well. Praying for you and John amidst your disappointment.

Elizabeth said...

So much of life is about our expectations not being met, whether it's with another person or a situation in our lives. And we have to learn how to acknowledge and deal with it. So many Christians act like disappointment is sinful. But it is a part of life, and a part of the Christian life, that we must talk about and teach our children about. Or, like you said, it turns into bitterness, anger, etc. Thank you for this post. It is a good reminder that life is not always what we want it to be.

Bake Me A Cake! said...

This post made me thing of something you might enjoy reading that talkes about putting on the gown of patience and how our disappointments shape our lives... http://www.marmeedear.com/store/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=194

Cindy-Still His Girl said...

Hey there! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it when someone de-lurks. :) THanks for saying hi!

Glad your kiddos are better!

This post struck me. I'm posting something tomorrow (If I get the nerve up) on a slightly similar vein. It has been written for three days and I've been wimpy.

Jenn said...

I am glad I decided to catch up on your older blog posts. Last week my husband had a devastating disappointment and it has really affected us both. It is so hard to wait and see what God's plans are and why it happened in the first place.

Thank you for your this post and for being real.