Tuesday, May 25, 2010

A venti-sized vent

I feel like I need to vent this morning. Lucky you. Feel free to stop reading now. I won't be offended. I just need to give voice to the thoughts in my head. Saying them out loud (or on the blog) somehow validates them for me. So here goes.

I injured my leg. In fact, my entire leg/hip region is injured. I can't walk without pain and I've limped around for so long that my weird gait is causing other issues in my back and knee. 

John and I are leaving for our big anniversary trip this week--the one we've been planning and looking forward to for a long time. It's going to take all I've got just to walk around each day. And hiking is out of the question. It is incredibly irritating and I feel so foolish for allowing this injury. 

I was logging many miles each week when my injury happened (hiking, walking, jogging) but I wasn't overdoing it. I know from being a runner that the worst injuries result from doing too much too soon. I know that. And I was holding myself back in order to avoid injury. I once had a stress fracture and injury is no picnic. 

Here's the back story: 
I packed on several pounds during my dad's illness last year and when the temps finally began to warm up a little here in late January (warm is relative) I purposed to get rid of them. My first setback was when our treadmill motor quit. I was very frustrated because we still had lots of snowy days ahead and I didn't know how in the world I was going to keep my momentum going with outdoor exercise. I perservered and the weather cooperated (for the most part) but then another setback, shin splints, forced me to take a couple weeks off. Ouch. I think I'm the only person I know who gets shin splints just from walking fast. 

Eventually my shins returned to normal and I resumed activity. I was losing weight, feeling great, and had the energy I remember from my twenties. And then I started feeling pain in my upper leg/hip area after a long walk. I took a few days off to rest, and honestly, I really only rested because we had a freak April snowstorm and I couldn't get outside. After two days of being house bound, I went for a run. I felt great the entire time I was running but when I stopped, I could barely walk. And I had to walk 3 miles back home. If I'd had my cell with me, I would have called someone for a ride. I don't think I've ever hurt so bad in my entire life. Except for labor. Oh, and a kidney stone. Looking back, I wish I had never gone on that Sunday run. 

It's been almost five weeks since that day. Despite the pain, I put off going to the doctor because I didn't want to spend a ton of money for them to "try" to figure out what was going on. I finally caved and went because I wanted to feel better for our anniversary trip. But I don't feel better. And I'm soooooooooo frustrated. 

My doctor referred me to a physical therapist, but I put off making an appointment because I knew we were leaving town and I didn't want to start therapy, then have to take a week off. Excuses, excuses. I ran into her (the PT) last week at school and mentioned my referral to her. She probed a little and I agreed to see her yesterday afternoon with high hopes that she could manipulate something and I'd walk away a new person. She confirmed the tendonitis diagnosis my doctor gave me and told me that this is going to take significant time to heal. I will probably have to rest my leg/hip all summer which means NO hiking and NO other exercise (biking, walking, jogging) until it heals. 

I'm devastated. 

I live in Colorado and our summers are glorious. For me, summer is about being outside and being active. Last summer was a rough one, and I had such high hopes for this one. All my contributions to our "summer list" involved outdoor activity.

I'm slowly adjusting to this news. I'm sad. I'm mad. I'm incredibly disappointed. And in the midst of all that emotion, I'm still in some pretty intense physical pain. It feels like I also have some pretty intense opposition in regard to my heart. 

Yesterday I got an ionotophoresis treatment at the therapist's office, and I'm going for another possible treatment today. Iontophoresis uses an ionic charge to deliver anti-inflammatory meds (corticosteroids) transdermally. It targets the specific area the steroid is needed and it's not as destructive to your collagen as a cortisone shot. It's actually pretty cool and I can tell some difference since my treatment yesterday afternoon.

I'm crossing my fingers and PRAYING that another treatment will alleviate the pain I feel when walking. Because airports and tourist attractions are in my very near future. 

So..., thanks for letting me vent a little here.
I'm frustrated but I'm hanging in there. I may be hanging by a thread, maybe, but I'm hanging tough.  

PS--I would love your prayers!

31 comments:

Melissa @ Breath of Life said...

First of all, I'm praying.

Second, now I've got that awful New Kids on the Block song in my head ("Hanging Tough"). Thanks.a.lot.

:-)

Jacquie said...

Sorry, Meredith. I'm curious if the pain is at the front of your hip (right in the crook where your leg "hooks on"... ya know, if you pick your knee up - at the bend between your leg and torso)? I have a similar issue when I run outside...so I've had to avoid any regular amounts of running outdoors and have to opt for the treadmill.

I hope the treatment helps and you get relief soon and can enjoy your trip!!

Emily said...

Praying God will heal your leg faster than anticipated, Mer and that you will be able to enjoy your trip!

JenB said...

I'm so sorry about your injury! Praying you'll have healing quickly.

And mad I read Melissa's comment cause now I have that song in my head too.

Lauren Kelly said...

Oh, I know you got to be frustrated. Praying for you, girl!!!

Robin said...

Praying you feel better for you trip and that your injury heals quickly.

jeanie@mageditor.blogspot.com said...

I'm so sad for you! I hope that you feel better soon! I am of the understanding that when God changes our plans he has something different and inevitably better in store for us. I hope that will be true for you this summer, Mer.

Chris said...

Just lifted you up to the throne of Grace asking the Lord to touch you with His healing hand today. I also asked that He would bring you to my mind often over the next few days so that I can remember to pray again.

Melissa Stover said...

i'm so sorry about this. i know you're disappointed. i'll be praying for you.

O Mom said...

You can vent here anytime.
Praying for a quick healing and that God works it out for you to spend lots of time outdoors on your trip and this summer.

elaine@bloginmyeye said...

Praying. I'm having issues w/ my neck and shoulder. I would just like to say that getting old sucks. I can say that b/c I'm older than you. ;) That's my vent! I know crown of wisdom yadaa yadda yadda....

Brenda said...

I can tell this is so frustrating for you. Yes, I'll be praying for ya! I know you'll still have a great time on your trip.
God bless!

Kari Kounkel said...

Hey! Sorry about the injury.

Every now and then I read your husband's blog. Of course, he's gifted and his words speak to my spirit.

Inevitably, I click on your link at the right side of his page.

I know you're aching and mad and grieving the loss of your mobility and your summer plans...

But, woman, you are beyond blessed with this man who wants to give you back your first love after the grief of 2009!

Is it easy to be married twenty years? NO! Is it difficult to comprehend what happens between spouses behind closed doors? YES!

But all I can think is: bask in the warmth of this man who is loving you even twenty years later while you slow down and recover.

Even God rested! :)

Kelly @ Love Well said...

I'm so sorry. Meredith. That totally stinks.

Carpool Queen said...

I injured the plantar fascia on both feet in mid-March. I'm just now getting to a point where it doesn't hurt with every step I take. I feel your pain (though as a non-exercise lover I have to say that "stay off your feet" was not unwelcome news to me).

Praying for relief for your trip.

Lindsay said...

Mer, so sorry to hear of your injury and praying for healing. One major thing that Terry D mentioned in "letting pain be your guide" is worth heeding. Praying that pain will be lessened with treatment but no matter what that you and John will have a super time together.

Jennifer said...

My prayers - you have. Praying that another fun & accessible summer activity will present itself & bless you mightily. Praying for your trip, that though it may take a little different form than planned, will be wonderful, relaxing & be a time of renewal for you two.

Check out Pilates in the interim - many injured dancers & atheletes do it when injured - and Colorado is the mecca for it. Workouts can be modified for just about any injury/limitation & it will rework your body unlike any other exercise!

sara said...

oh I am so sorry!! I will definitely be praying for you!

Gina said...

Aw, Pookie, I'm sorry.
I wish I could wave my magic wand and make it all better, but I can't. So I will pray to the One who can.

Trish said...

Ouch! That is rough. I will be praying for you....for quick healing.

Gretchen said...

Prayers and mad lurve, m'lurve.

I am so sorry about this. I am. I rehabed a hip/a**/thigh all last summer, and it wasn't fun. The body decays, i guess. And as much as I liked running b/c it was a quick exercise (I'm not an exercise lingerer), I've decided that this 41 year old body needs to do elipticals, walking, and weight training. Bah.

However, I'm sure it's not all bad news to John that you need to be off your feet a bit. Just sayin'.

*carrie* said...

So sorry to hear about this, Mer. Thinking of you and hoping you have a safe and memorable trip to CA!

The Bowden's said...

Aw, praying that you will have some relief and can enjoy your trip. I too sometimes get shin splints from walking fast. No fun!

Amber said...

Oh, Mer, I'm so sorry.

I'm praying for immediate healing and relief and for a trip of amazing fun and no worries.

mel @ the larson lingo said...

Oh no...so sorry! I will be praying for you & that you heal quickly so that you can enjoy a glorious Colorado summer (oh, how I miss those!)

Kellie said...

Oh Friend! I am sorry!

I had bilateral De Quarvain Syndrom (inflamed wrists) after my son was born. One wrist got better (with anti-inflammatory meds and rest), but my right wrist ended up needing several iontophoresis treatments. I still had to rest it, but it did help the process!

I will pray for you. Hang in there friend!

Sallie said...

Praying, friend, that God will show up in more intimate ways than you can imagine -- for you and your John.
Love,
Sallie

Cathy said...

So sorry, Mer! I hope you are still able to enjoy your time!

Stephanie said...

Praying for you this morning. Blessings on your week~
x

Christy said...

Glad you had a relaxing restful vacation...My 9 yr. old daughter loved the finger paint, my son was disappointed because he couldn't paint anything recognizable. He had forgotten the principle of fingerpaint- abstract. It was really fun to make together and to paint. Hope it turns out well for you guys, too. Have a great summer.

whimzie said...

Yuck. Not fun at all. I am truly sorry.