Thursday, July 29, 2010

Home: Part Three

I'm pretty sure that in Part I or Part II, I mentioned that I don't really like my house. It almost feels disrespectful to say that after all that God did to get us here, but the truth is that I really don't love it.


The layout is weird. The space is tiny and feel like we're on top of each other most of the time. We knew those things when we bought this house but I don't think either of us planned on being here this long.


Honestly? I struggle with being content in my house.


Some days I do this weird flip-flop thing and get all prideful about it. When friends come back from Africa and talk about how rich we as Americans are and how big our homes are, I smile smugly and think that somehow my tiny house makes me less guilty. Or when foreclosures pop up left and right in my town, I think to myself, "I can afford my house. It might be small, but I'm not house-poor." Pride. Isn't it ugly? It's hideous, really. And sinful. Ugh.


Some days I wallow in self-pity. I look around feel sorry for myself and complain that my gift of hospitality is restricted by the space I live in. How can I have possibly people over for diner when it's a stretch for all five of us to sit around the kitchen table? We do it, of course, but it ends up feeling like a youth group event with people scattered in every room of the house sitting on the floor, the windowsill, or wherever they can find space. That was fun in middle school. Not so much in adulthood.


Our house is about 2300 square feet.
You're right, that's not small. But....


Our basement isn't finished so the part that we actually live in is 1200 square feet. That's tiny. Especially for a family of five.


So why don't we sell this house and move? Excellent question.
First, the economy is tanked right now. I prefer to wait it out a few years and hopefully recoup some of our home's value. Second, if we move to a bigger house right now we'd likely be house-poor and I would need to work. There's nothing wrong with being a working mom, but that's not our desire for our family at this point in time. Plus, have I mentioned how much we love our neighbors? The thought of moving away from these people makes me incredibly sad.


So why don't we finish the basement and increase our living space? Excellent question. 
It makes sense, and I guess it's not totally outside the realm of possibility. I just don't think that finishing the basement would give us space where we most need it--in our kitchen/family room.


The only thing I really can do this point is adjust my attitude and focus on the positive while changing the things I can. Spruce things up. Make things cozy and warm. Fill it with things that are meaningful to us. Some days that feels easier than others.


The bottom line is that it's not really about our "house" as much as it is about our "home" and home is a place that my family loves. We may not look at the layout or the furnishings or the size of our space and sigh with deep contentment, but I'm pretty sure all five of love being together in this place. We've filled it with lots and lots of terrific memories over the years. We've filled it with laughter, and love, and family and friends and those things are deeply satisfying.


Part Four? Photos.

11 comments:

Lauren said...

That last paragraph you wrote Mere is why you live in that house. I’ve seen it time and time again on your blog, that house is filled with LOVE!!!! :)

Elizabeth said...

I'm looking forward to pictures! And I don't know if I've shared it with you, but I feel the exact same way about our house. I hate it most days, and tolerate it on the best days. BUT, it's our home. The older kids remember our other house in AR, but they've both told me that this house feels like home. I try to make it cozy, but I've found that since I don't love it, I am less motivated to care for it. I loved our other house so I actually enjoyed cleaning and decorating it. We women find so much of our identity in our homes! Kind of like our husbands feel about their jobs-it's a reflection of them and their gifts/abilities.

Thankfully there are so many other things that we do find deep satisfaction in!

Carpool Queen said...

I could have written this exact.same.post, Meredith. We're in an awkward, small home as well, and most days I hate it and yet I love that we're not worried about making a house payment.

And yet I think about the time we lived in the big house and all went to our separate corners and didn't LIVE together. It's in the living together that we learn about each other and about ourselves, and I don't know if I'm ready to give that up just yet.

Deena said...

Can't wait to see the photos! I'm sure you have excellent ideas about how to make the most of the small space.

You may not love your house, but your home is amazing! I've enjoyed getting to know the people living in it.

Amber said...

I hate our house most days, but I always love our home.

Can I just cut and paste this over at my place, because I feel the exact same way. We're not house poor either. And the house serves a purpose of keeping us safe and dry. BUT it is most certainly not the house I envisioned when I was dreaming of our home. I'm just really glad that HOME isn't limited to the square footage and layout.

Amber said...

I hate our house most days, but I always love our home.

Can I just cut and paste this over at my place, because I feel the exact same way. We're not house poor either. And the house serves a purpose of keeping us safe and dry. BUT it is most certainly not the house I envisioned when I was dreaming of our home. I'm just really glad that HOME isn't limited to the square footage and layout.

Moriah @ Please Pass the Salt said...

Yep. Six people. 1,200 sq. feet.

FEEL YOU.

Moriah @ Please Pass the Salt said...

And, PS, I thought your house was cozy. :)

Kecia said...

So it looks like I'm not the first to say, I sooo relate. And I think you're all right(I guess...sigh...) that the closeness breeds closeness. Thank you Lord for my house--

Rae said...

When we moved back to the East Coast 9 years ago we knew we would have to downsize....it's been hard, especially as we add children and the space stays the same! :) I just went to a dear friend's house last night. She moved about 40 minutes away and I had yet to see their new house. I have no idea the square footage but let's just say this: it has 6 bedrooms, 5 1/2 baths, a butler's pantry, office, family room, sunroom, etc......It's HUGE!! I came home to my little cape last night and expected to feel disheartened. But when I walked in I saw my hubby waiting up for me and checked on my sleeping children and felt at peace. Afterall, small is the new big!

Nancy said...

like you, i struggle sometimes with being happy with my house. i don't have the talent for decorating which i wish i did. i can't afford to hire a decorator; again, wish i could. i've seriously contemplated about asking a neighbor gal who is a fabulous decorator to come over and assist but then my pride gets in the way because, "oh my gosh...she'd have to see our house as i have it." i know that's a pride thing. maybe i just need to swallow hard...