Thursday, May 15, 2008

confession

*edited at bottom*

Friends, this has been a heck of a week. Things are always a hectic this time of year, but this week has been unbelievably busy. Multiple school projects. Costumes. Assemblies. Papers. Track meets. Parties. Meetings. Homework (I am so ready for my kids to stop bringing homework home). And life.

Some stuff has happened this week that has made it a hard week for me personally. Drama. Complaints. Phone calls. Emails. Dilemnas. Unanswered questions. Irresponsibility. Confrontation. Ick. Yuck. Ugh.

I've been angry. In fact, I've been very angry. For the life of me I can't figure out why I can't "snap out of it". My attitude, my language, my expressions, everything reeks of anger. If I told you the half of it, you'd probably agree that some of it is justified. What surprises me the most is how deep some of this feels, where it's coming from, and why I'm having such a problem just letting it go.

*I'm feeling a little more peaceful this evening. I took a long, hot bath and tried to just be still and evaluate what was really going on. I think it's just been one thing after another this week, and I'm tired physcially, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Although I really should go grocery shopping in the morning, I'm going to skip that in favor of a hike with my friends. Exercise and fresh air are always good for my heart!*

15 comments:

Meredith said...

Sorry it's been a rough week. That kind of situation is always the hardest. I pray you get some peace about it all soon, and next week is better.

Betsy said...

Not sure what the situation is, but I will pray that you will feel better soon. Sorry!!

Becoming Me said...

I'm so sorry Meredith. Stuff like this can be so hard. It is odd too when old stuff that I thought I dealt with comes up again. This past year I talked to a counselor at my church and she really helped me get to the "nugget" of some of my junk and it was really life changing. I'll be praying for you.

Jennifer said...

I can so relate so I know how stressful it can be. I am SO ready for the weekend now. LOL

Hope you have a much better day and weekend!

Diane J. said...

If you're anything at all like me, it's not the individual things: it's having it all piled on at once. The Enemy knows where our buttons are and how to push them.

I can usually deal with one, two or even 3 things all at once, but any more than that and I'm shot. And so is my attitude and my whole outlook on life. Beware all who enter my immediate area! But it helps to acknowledge that I DO have an attitude and then I can usually deal with things okay.

Hope it gets better and YOU feel better.

Love and hugs,

Diane

Barb said...

I can totally relate. I have the same problem when I'm already on overload and something like what you're hinting at happens. I don't do well in this situation either.

I hope you can let it go and feel better soon. Being angry is exhausting. I know.

Deidre said...

I know exactly how you feel, sweet friend. This week has been a tough one. You probably wouldn't be having such a tough time if it wasn't so much coming at you at one time. STRESS makes things take on a life of their own.

I pray things are better for you soon. Hang on - only one more week of school - yay!

Kelly @ Love Well said...

I know that feeling.

I usually have to stop and do some serious examination of my heart before God to discover the real problem. Sometimes, I just start by asking myself, "Would you feel better if X were changed? What if Y were different?" It helps me figure out what I really need versus the temporary solution.

Either way, I pray God gives you more peace soon.

Kellie said...

So sorry it's been a tough week.

I think that it is in this time of year, when everyone is busy, and the kids are tired, and we are tired, and the summer schedule is almost here, but it's not yet come, that we all find a little drama in our life.

Grace. Thankfully there is grace.

I am going to pray that you will be able to fill up on God's grace...going to pray that you will wake up in the morning and feel more grace-full, so that you can extend it to those around you. Even those who don't deserve it!

OH wait a minute...Did I just say that?

I guess I should say, ESPECIALLY to those who don't deserve it! (and the the good Lord knows I have been on that end too!)

I was just going to type that this would be the perfect moment to have some chocolate...but I know that's not your favorite...So instead I will just pray for grace...for you and for those around you...

Hang in there friend!

Gina said...

It's called attack. I can see it in my life and in the life of everyone around me. The enemy is using the same tactic all over the place. Pile on some junk. Just when you feel like you can breathe again, pile on more junk. When you can lift your head again, pile on somemore. I will be praying for you. I know about old hurts flaring up. It's not nice.

Meredith said...

Glad to read that things are looking up. Have a wonderful hike!

Reva said...

Hello, remember me? My sister introduced me recently since I just started blogging for the first time.
I just want to give a little different perspctive on anger. I now count it as a blessing since it signals to us that there is something wrong that must be fixed.
I spent most of my life denying anger and sadness. I thought in my own weird way that it was sinful to be angry and so I refused to deny mine. In so doing, I held everything inside and tried to only see the good in everything. That should be good, right? Not. It can actually cause physical meladies due to the pressures in our bodies.
Anyway, in order to hold back or shut off anger and sadness, I actually, inadvertantly shut off most of my other emotions too. I didn't realize it of course, but I ended up a very depressed person.
I was denying my children and family any real deep emotional bonding or realness of myself. They never saw me laugh out loud, and I rarely smiled when company wasn't around, I had no real joy.
An example of how it affected my children was when my young daughter had a tummy ache and fever. I calmly checked her out,felt her tummy and put a wet cloth on her forhead. Then I gently tucked her in bed and said she just needed to rest and I would check on her. But without any real sympathy in my voice or outward show of concern, she turned to me and said "Mom, why don't you care?" I was shocked and thought I was being calm and collected to help her feel at ease but my actions had the opposite affect on her.
That really hurt to think my daughter felt that way. Once I got some therapy and began to recognize what was happening, I slowly began to change until I could feel again.
When I feel hurt, sad or angry now I am so happy that I am a real person again. This anger you feel will pass as long as you go ahead and feel it and express it but in appropriate ways and not with your children. You will soon feel that fresh air of joy and happiness and know that all is well.
Hope you can feel happy soon. Reva

Reva said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jenn said...

Glad you were feeling a little better. I hope you enjoyed your hike with your friends.

I am praying that you have a peaceful and relaxing weekend. Also praying for a much better week for you next week. Hugs.

His Girl said...

hope you found a way to 'snap out of it' with His help.... email me if you wanna chat... anytime, sis!