Thursday, January 29, 2009

Facts and truth...

Not long ago, I posted a link to one of John's older blog posts. It is primarily about how the facts often have little to do with the truth. I've been thinking so much about that in my own life lately, and this list just sorta spilled out in my head. 

Because I desire to live an authentic life, I'm sharing my list. It's still growing but here's a start:


The fact is that I'm a good mom. The truth is that I blow it on a daily basis, and often have to go back and apologize to at least one of my children. (And sometimes I'm stubborn and I don't even apologize.)


The fact is that I'm an organized homemaker. The truth is that it takes huge effort for me to even keep my house clean. HUGE effort. And many days I just give up and clear a path through the mess.


The fact is that I have a lot of friends. The truth is that I've been feeling over-relationshipped for a long time.


The fact is I'm a good friend. The truth is that I've been a terrible friend lately and feel like I've hurt some people I care about.


The fact is that I have a nice home. The truth is that I struggle with being content within these walls.


The fact is that I have great kids. The truth is that they're not perfect and some days are very hard. We argue over silly things like wearing a winter coat or cleaning their rooms. They lose their temper with me and I turn right around and give 'em a dose of mine. 


The fact is that I have a good marriage. The truth is that there are plenty of days John and I don't like each other very much, and sometimes on days like that we go to bed still upset with each other.


The fact is that I know God's heart towards me is good. The truth is that I doubt His kindness often. 


The fact is that I seem very "together". The truth is I'm not. I'm struggling with some depression right now that is kicking my butt and making me feel like I'm functioning at about 50% of my norm.


The fact is that I love being at home with my family. The truth is that I enjoy it now that my kids aren't babies/toddlers. Back in those days I was always looking for an excuse to get out of the house.


The fact is that I believe the responsibility of teaching my children about things of faith belongs to me and their dad. The truth is that the last time we had a family devotion was during Advent.


The fact is that I trust God with the details of my life. The truth is that I scheme and strive and maneuver things to go my way. And that truth reveals my distrust.


The fact is that I love blogging. The truth is that it is a huge distraction in my life.


The fact is that I'm a little afraid to hit "publish" on this post. However, I know truth is freeing.

50 comments:

Mama Voss said...

Wow... you gave me a lot of good facts and truths to think about in my life. You are a strong woman...

Stephanie @ My Answered Prayer said...

Meredith....I think that I admire you more now than ever. Those are hard things to admit. I pray that you will be able to let go of the things pulling you into the depression you are in. I know how hard it is being there before. I love you and hope things get easier!

whimzie said...

You have no idea how much I needed this today. Thanks for hitting "publish" even though you were afraid. Even though I can see how you would be completely "overfriended" right now, I have enjoyed learning from you and glad you are "in" my life. I am praying for you more than daily.

Cathy said...

Thank you so much for being honest and vulnerable. My heart echos these facts and truths so much. Maybe you've even inspired a future blog post from me:) I'll be praying for you - specifically for the depression, because I've been there and totally understand. Thanks for letting me "get to know you" a little more today.

Lauren Kelly said...

Meredith, that was so transparent of you. Thanks for sharing!!! You're such a neat person!! :)

cindy b said...

amazing. i have heard "the truth is freeing" a number of times this week. it's something i've known and have even said to others before. i've been struggling with something that i need to take care of. God is speaking loud to me this week!

thanks for hitting that publish button.

Kellie said...

The fact is that is inspiring to hear your transparency. The truth is that being transparent is often very scary!

I also think its honorable that you are learning things from your husband. That your being teachable (even just for this moment, although I have a suspicion that you are a pretty teachable kind of gal).

Another thought, for me it is almost as difficult to admit the "facts" in life, as it is to focus to much on the "truths". And yet they are both so very important...

I don't think I ever clicked over to that post...I think I will now!

Fran said...

Personally...I'm all about this. I wrote about being real a little while ago and it was huge for me and for those that read it....we can't have enough truth out there.

I know how hard this is...but what a blessing this is to so many. Freedom is the key!

Love ya,
Fran

Moriah @ Please Pass the Salt said...

You're certainly not alone. I probably could have written an IDENTICAL list. Except my kids are still small and I'm still finding excuses to leave the house. And I'm sure my house is messier than yours.

I hope you find a spirit-lifter today.

Melissa @ Breath of Life said...

Meredith, do you mind if I say that maybe you've got fact and truth backward? What I mean by that is that facts sometimes make us feel as less than we are, but circumstances don't change the truth.

For example, the fact may be that you blow it as a mom on a daily basis...but that doesn't change the TRUTH that you are a good mother.

Satan attempts to use facts to make us see the truth that HE wants us to see, and to get down on ourselves & think we're ineffective for God. But TRUTH (Jesus) is much greater than our circumstances.

Sorry if it seems I'm caught up in semantics...but I studied this back in the summer (No Other Gods by Kelly Minter...GREAT study!), and I realized that Satan wants to trap me in my circumstances, but that the TRUTH is much greater.

Sorry to hijack with such a long comment. I love your authenticity and willingness to share! But I felt compelled to share this, and hope that it is (as Moriah put it) a spirit-lifter!

Casey said...

Wow. That's all I can say right now b/c this seriously just changed my life.

Jennifer said...

Meredith,

I have been following your Blog for a while and I found you at the Simple Wife Blog. Anyway...I felt it was time to leave a comment. Your post today was amazing and inspiring. I know that all of us as mothers could post these same words. If there are those that would deny this....they aren't telling the truth!! I appreciate you sharing your honesty. I find your writing comforting and inviting. Thank you for sharing all you do. I also found some great ideas from your recipe blog. Please visit me at sentimental gatherings (my new blog) when you can. I have just started and am not quite sure what I am doing:)

Take care

Brenda said...

The truth is: you just read probably 90% of my life journal!
You're right, it is 'freeing'.
Something that has really helped me in my prayers is asking the Lord "Show me how much You love me." We're always telling Him how much we love Him. And of course we know He loves us too. He disires that more than anything, to continually show us how much He loves us!

Gretchen said...

This is good. So very very good. THis is chocolate good.

Unless you're you. Then, it's whatever dessert that could possibly try to compare to chocolate good.

Megan L Hutchings said...

It took a lot of courage to do that and share. Thank you for explaining the difference so that we can all do a little self examination!

Holly said...

Love you , friend. Really!

Sometimes I get caught up in all the facts that I forget to rely on the Truth. He has been trying to set me free on a daily basis.

You walk this thing out well, friend. Just like that peak you climbed...we can't do it alone and we need to not give up.

Love you,
Holly

Jennifer said...

Thank you, Meredith, for being so open and honest! It meant so much to me. I feel like I know you so much better by reading your posts- you are a beautiful lady inside and out. Thank you for being an inspiration to me and others who read your blog.
Love, Jennifer

Rmomof3 said...

I am in that toddler stage you spoke of - I love my precious little blessings, but Ohhhh! - the need to get out and away and BREATHE is soooo very great at times!
Precious blessings!
Renee

carpoolqueen said...

Thank you thank you thank you for letting me know that I'm not the only organized messy person, or depressed person (Paxil is my friend, repeat after me...), or good mom that blows it daily. Fact and truth would agree on your courage today...

lisa@littlesliceoflife said...

Thanks for sharing. I'm right there with you. Especially on the knowing God loves you but not always feeling it. And depression...oh. my. word. Debilitating.

Musings of a Homeschooling Mom said...

Wow. I found your blog from Tiffani's and Michele's and I have to say I am loving it! Thank you for sharing this post. It has given me tons of food for thought.

Amber said...

Mer. Sweet friend. Your authenticity is inspiring to me. Thank you for being real.

Jennifer said...

Mer as always you are an inspiration.

I was just thinking the other morning how sometimes I feel I have friends but then when I really do 'need' one of them, they aren't there. But yet, I am there for them. Is that selfish? Is that a friend? Am I being silly? Your post made me reflect more on this...........thank you!

Heather said...

I really like this, Mer. And I think it's when we're honest with God (and with ourselves and our family) that He can really do a work in us. I am saying a prayer for you!

Beth said...

Meredith,
Did you somehow read my journal?! ;-) Thank you for being so real in your sharing. I am inspired to start my own list.

You're a blogging friend I admire from afar (a few states away!)--I always enjoy reading your posts. You've become one of those gals where I think to myself, "I'd like to be like her." And, this post just confirms that even more. Love your genuineness!

Beth

Tiffani said...

Oh how I wish I lived down the road...I truly believe that God allows us to go through things in order to help us feel like we're not alone....I needed to hear that..all of it, but mainly about depression and functioning at about half speed...girl, I am soooo with you!!!! I was just thinking the other day..how do I DEAL with this..how do I move past these feelings and feel better???

So, I appreciate your honesty..I will pray for you, Mer! And the great thing is this: we get do-overs everyday! :)

BIG HUGS my friend!

Lindsay said...

Mer... What a wonderfully freeing and honest post. I think each of us would benefit by such journaling and sharing. You are not alone. Praying for you that you'll make wise choices that will lead to health.

Love, Lindsay

Christi said...

Wow Meredith,that was some seriously good self examination! I think that would be good therapy for each of us! And to be able to share it, and be validated...awesome! Thanks for being the real deal!

Betsy said...

I think we all feel those same ways sometimes, but only someone courageous like you is really willing to say it!!

Thanks for keeping it real!! I like it better that way! :)

Becca said...

Love this! I don't think there's a person, especially a mother, out there who hasn't felt these same things. Many times. You wrote it beautifully and I feel the same on many, many levels.

Mollie said...

Thanks- especailly about the leaving the house when your kids are babies/toddlers!! I never knew how you did it. And I struggle each day with the same thought!

You are a wonderful role model for a mom for me. And nothing could ever change my mind!

Though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. Psalms 32:7

I am glad that you opened up and it reminds me of a Mer moment...<3

Rachel said...

Thanks for going out on a limb and hitting "publish". So much resonated with where I'm at, too. And you've challenged me, too, to live authentically. Sometimes it seems too hard to really be real, but I know it is/would be freeing.

Trish said...

"If therefore the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed." John 8:36

I love this post Meredith.

You are a fabulous writer and witness!

Lisa said...

Thank you for sharing with us. You have given me the courage to share my own struggle and permission to be human. You are a strong woman who has my utmost respect.

Michele said...

Meredith, I just love you to pieces. You are so very brave to post this. I admire you so much. Thanks for being so real. The fact that you are struggling with depression made me tear up for you. I will be praying for you, my friend. My sister struggles with depression deeply and just knowing how she has struggled, gives me such a heart and compassion for those who do.

I WISH had an orderly home. Please give me some tips b/c it drives me bonkers!!

I agree with loving blogging but it being a huge distraction in my life too.

If I lived even remotely close to you I'd pop over and bring you a chai latte . . . no more pressure to be overrelationshipped, but, just to put a smile on your face.

Oh yeah, I have to apologize to my kids lots. .. so I'm on that bandwagon with you. I also enjoy my kids as they get older. I don't miss baby days AT ALL!!!

Megan O. said...

Just wanted to thank you so much for having the courage to publish this. I'd never thought in those terms before--truth vs. facts. You really made me think about some things in my own life and I can't tell you how relieved I felt to hear that another mom (one I truly admire) struggles with the some of the same things I am. Thanks for being so vulnerable.

Deidre said...

Yes, the truth is freeing and you just set a lot of us free. We women try to appear all together all the time and for what reason, I'll never understand. It's that struggle that puts me in the dumps - knowing I can't measure up to my own ridiculous standards.

I can relate to almost all of these, Meredith - except I'm still looking for a way out of the house most of the time (maybe because my kids are still little).

Loved this, friend! Thank you!

Lisa said...

If we all were this honest, our list would look like yours. We must be honest before we can change anything. Thank you for your honesty.
None of us our perfect. And reality is far from perception much of the time.
Praying for you.

Lisa Q

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

Love you, love your honesty, love that you hit "publish" even though it was hard. Just look how many people you have encouraged with your authenticity!

chickadee@afamiliarpath said...

my list of facts is very similar to yours (though i am not a very organized homemaker).

leigh said...

You're not in this alone...any of it. thanks for sharing all of that though. It's nice to know you're not alone.

*carrie* said...

Mer,

Thanks for being so vulnerable--it's never easy, but so vital to authenticity!

thinking of you--

Ali said...

What a neat post! I could relate to a ton of it! Thanks for trusting us enough to be vulnerable! I'm so impressed!

~ Ali

Michelle@Life with Three said...

I love this post Meredith. It was so comforting to read -- because you're "keepin' it real" yanno? A lot of times, when people read blogs, they forget that they're not getting the whole story. It's easy to feel inadequate and that you're not measuring up. I admire your bravery in publishing this because it made me feel like I'm not alone in the things I struggle with daily. It was like a salve to my soul. :)

Marc and Charity said...

I'm so behind, but I think this is my favorite post ever. Thanks for saying your honest feelings...I'm battling somet things right now that I wonder why people don't talk about - Christian people that is- I like authenticity. :)

Hope you have a fun date tonight- I know that is related to your most recent post...anyway, enjoy time out with your hubs.

Dolly said...

That was REALLY good! Thanks for sharing!!

Mary said...

This is the first time I've visited your blog and obviously there is a reason I was led to this post. I'm struggling right now. Really struggling. It's nice to find that others feel the same way I do and that everyone else isn't living a perfect life like it so often seems when reading blogs. I love reading blogs of women that 'keep it real'.

Christen said...

I'm a little behind, haven't been on the computer in a few days (in a little funk) but that was so good! Refreshing to be around someone real. I hate the fake everything's great masks people wear. Then you compare yourself all upset because everyone else has it all together so what's wrong with me? I couldn't agree with you more and my list is similar.

Julie said...

Mer, I'm in complete agreement with Melissa. The truth is what God says....period. Sometimes our "facts" feel like truth but they're not. We see through skewed vision often. What we see in ourselves is often what we think He sees too.

The fact is I sin. But my sin does not define me and tell me who I am or am not. When I dip back into the old man way of living I will surely live out of my flesh and do things that I regret. But my identity is sealed in Christ.

We are a cherished, beloved childred of God who sometimes forget who we are... our actions do not define us....

You are an amazing woman! I know, I've met you face to face.... I've seen the glory of God on you....
as I said, you are an amazing woman....

Hugs,
Julie

Stephanie's Mommy Brain said...

Thank you for sharing. It's so easy to only reveal the good stuff to people and ourselves. I've gotten some comments recently that were very complimentary but left me thinking "if you only knew the truth!" It's hard to convey the whole picture of who we are (and our homes) to people. You've done a good job or that in this post.